understand yourself
Track your five-to-one ratio
Gottman's research shows healthy relationships run 5:1 positive to negative. Start counting — and find out where you are.
Log your interactions
Easy positives to try
Say thank you for something specific — not 'thanks for everything', something they actually did today
Express genuine interest in something they're working on or thinking about
Give a non-sexual compliment — about who they are, not just what they do
Reach out without a reason — a text, a hand on the shoulder, a look across the room
Laugh together — share something funny, bring a little lightness into the room
Remember something they mentioned and ask how it went